Finding Humanity
by majorcinnamonbun
Summary: He knew his heart beat with something that wasn't human, but he wondered if it was possible to regain his lost humanity. AU, eventual Eruri
1. Chapter 1

_Inspired entirely by BIGBANG'S Monster PV  
_

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His head is spinning. His ears are ringing. The ground around him trembles and shakes and there's a steady burn in his leg. Desperate, he claws at the earth in front of him, using his good leg to push himself forward. The door is so close. Bullets scar the earth next to him and he doesn't think as he forces himself to his feet, ignoring the pain that flares up in protest. Just a few steps.

He could cry with relief as his hand at last closes around the metal wheel, heart hammering as he forces the door open and slips inside. There's no point in waiting for the others, he knows they're dead as he slams the door shut again and slides down it. He takes a moment to catch his breath, chest tight as he reaches down to inspect his leg. The burn is more intense and he grimaces at the blood that's seeping through his trousers. Already he can hear shouts amidst the carnage on the other side of the door; he can't afford to rest, leg be damned. Gritting his teeth he hauls himself back to his feet and starts down the oppressing, empty hallway.

He keeps a hand against the wall as he walks, footsteps heavy and uneven. His leg hasn't stopped bleeding, and he's beginning to feel dizzy, blackness flecking the edges of his vision.

There's no way he'll make it out of here like this.

Another step and his knees buckle. He has no choice. The floor is cold as he slumps down, breath coming hard and laboured as his eyes slip shut. His skin prickles and he can feel the marks that creep and crawl across his body. Everything becomes just that little bit clearer; if he concentrates enough he can make out every word that's being called outside, his vision sharp and focused. It becomes easier to move like this, the pain ignorable as he stands again and makes forward with more haste. His eyes gleam in a way that is anything but human as he glances back the way he came, pausing for a second when he can't see or hear anyone behind him.

Something doesn't feel right.

For a second the entire building shudders and he whips his head around. Definitely not right. As he goes to continue forward the wall to his right shatters, smoke pouring into the hallway. He stares for moment, eyes wild before he runs, paying no heed to the building crumbling around him. The smoke is becoming suffocating as he blindly rounds a corner, heartbeat echoing loudly in his ears. More debris falls around him and there's an undeniable, smothering heat in the air. Coughing, he covers his mouth with the back of his hand, squinting as he tries to find a path through the darkening halls.

He has a vague idea of where he is. There should be a test room nearby, if he can just navigate his way to it and the fire exit it holds. His feet stumble over rubble, his leg beginning to slow him down again. The doorway is in sight ahead of him, but as he draws closer the air only becomes hotter. It's stifling; sweat drips down the back of his neck and his lungs feel heavy and constricted.

Fire burns bright and pressing, and he has to stop at the doorway, the blaze consuming the entire room. There's no way he can turn back; the place is coming down too quickly and the smoke is too thick. He braces himself, eyes flitting across the room, and he can just make out a viable path if he moves quickly enough. It's now or never; if he delays too long the flames will create an impenetrable barrier and trap him where he stands.

The heat licks at his skin as he goes in, moving as quickly as his feet can carry him. He can hardly breathe, the smoke filled air burning his lungs and stinging his eyes. The roar of the flames as they spread is deafening, sealing him into the room as he presses forward. His skin is beginning to burn and he puts all of his energy into surging towards the exit. It doesn't take much to force it open with his shoulder, coughing as he falls outside. He scrambles away from the door, watching as the ceiling caves in on where he was just moments ago.

Sighing, he flops onto his back chest heaving as he breathes in fresh air. He lets go, feeling his strength leave and pain appear in its stead as he returns to normal. His eyes slip shut and he wishes for just a moment that he could sleep and forget about staying alive. Everything hurts. But he can't…he can't wait around and wait to be found when they figure out he's still breathing. He drags himself up, wincing as he does so.

The city isn't too far, he knows that much, but he doesn't relish the thought of making his way there. At least his leg has stopped bleeding; small victories he supposes. It's probably the only victory he'll have, besides not dying. Soot and blood covered as he is he doubts he'll receive any help once he reaches the city; only disgusted and mortified glances.

His skin crawls at his filthy state although it's definitely at the bottom of his priorities, but it doesn't stop him from frowning as he checks himself over for injuries. Blisters are already forming on parts of his arms, although it appears he's escaped relatively unscathed.

With another sigh he drops his arms down beside him, gaze shifting upwards as he tilts his head back. It'll be dark before he reaches the city; darkness already descending upon the dusky, evening sky. If he focuses for long enough he can make out the first few stars that are greeting the night. He draws himself reluctantly back to his feet, taking his time as he casts one last look at the destroyed compound he'd called his home.

A quiet, parting murmur is lost in the night air as he turns and heads towards the city with determined, heavy footsteps.


	2. Chapter 2

Irvin hadn't wanted it to end like this; he refused to have any part of it. He still thinks the slaughter is unnecessary, but his proposition was ignored by the higher ups. 'Too expensive' they'd sneered – of course killing all of the remaining test subjects was easier, it left no evidence of it happening.

Guilt gnaws at him, he wishes he could've at least saved one-

The crackle of the radio shatters his thoughts. "Smith? Smith do you copy?"

"I'm here," he answers, leaning back in his seat. He expects they're finished by now.

"The cleanup is done." Just like he thought. There's silence for a moments before another voice breaks through the static. "There's just one problem; Alpha escaped. We believe he's headed for the city, and it'll be a while before we're finished here. Keep an eye out, would you?"

Irvin casts a glance out of the window to the streets below that are slowly emptying of people. The reality that he can save this one reignites a small fragment of hope inside of him. "Yes, sir." He shuts the radio off, already standing and going to retrieve his coat. Reluctantly he slides his gun into his belt, making sure it's hidden as he all but runs out of his apartment, door slamming loudly behind him.

The street lights are wearily flickering their way to life as he steps out into the street, shouldering his coat closer as the brisk night air assaults his neck. He sets a hasty pace as he turns for the south side of the city, knowing it's where Alpha will show up first if he shows up at all. His breath mists and rises lazily into the air as he walks, promising the cool edge of autumn in the days to come. Irvin is grateful that the streets are becoming quieter as the minutes tick by; it'll make it easier to find Alpha before the others are finished at the compound.

It's not a long walk to the south of the city, and after half an hour the streets are eerily quiet as darkness blankets the sky above. Irvin doesn't know where to begin looking, but he doubts that Alpha will even go near the main streets that are brightly lit and open. Side streets and alleys seem far more likely and, nodding to reassure himself, he heads down the nearest side street. It's dark, and the high walls on either side do nothing to ease his caution as he makes slow, careful steps. A flashlight might've been a good idea, but he has enough experience of the city to not get lost at least. Just very, very disorientated. He loses track of time as he wanders the seemingly endless maze of backstreets, the glimpses and passes of main streets giving him a vague idea of where he is.

He should've known that it was hopeless to try to look for one man in a city of this size, foolish, yes, but he'd been hopeful. Now that tiny spark is all but smouldering ashes. Just as he's about to call it a night there's a loud crash from an adjacent alley and he turns at the sound, eyes wide and searching.

It sounded too strong for a cat, and granted that it may just be a drunk, Irvin can't suppress the need to investigate.

He's quiet as he makes his way into the street, lights dazzlingly bright as he carefully heads for the next alley. In the dim, narrow space he can make out the shape of a man slumped against the ground, one hand outstretched against the wall. An overturned bin lies in front of him, its contents spilling onto the ground.

Irvin takes a hesitant step forward, the sudden noise causing the man to jerk his head in Irvin's direction, eyes widening in panic as they settle on him.

_Alpha. _

"It's alright," Irvin tries to reassure him, taking another careful step. "Please, I want to help."

"_Help_?" Alpha spits, struggling to his feet even though he can barely stand. "Just like you '_helped_' the others?" He takes stumbling, unsteady steps backwards, looking more like a caged animal than an injured man.

Of course Alpha recognises him. Of course he won't trust him. But Irvin won't give in, especially with the state that he's in.

"Please," he tries again, staying where he is as Alpha backs himself up against the back wall of the alley. "They'll kill you if you stay here, but if you just come with me I'll do everything I can to keep you alive." Slowly, he offers a hand to the other man, not surprised when Alpha doesn't respond.

What does surprise him is the way that Alpha rushes forward, teeth bared in a snarl as he tries to force his way past and escape onto the street. He's easy to grab though, and Irvin quickly wrangles his hands behind his back, waiting out the exhausted, futile struggling.

"Look, just calm do-"

Something sharp slices into his hand, and he releases Alpha with a cry of shock and pain. Irvin should've been paying more attention; should've noticed the glow in Alpha's eyes and not underestimated his strength. The cut isn't deep, just enough to sting and draw blood, and Irvin sighs as he retrieves a handkerchief from his pocket and ties it around his hand.

It appears that using _that_ has sapped the last of Alpha's strength though; his body collapsed on the ground and his breathing ragged.

Irvin bends down, scooping the man into his arms, confident that Alpha has no fight left in him and won't protest. "It's alright. You're safe." His voice is soft and reassuring, and Alpha's eyes flicker open for a moment before he gives a wary, surrendering nod.

Once they're out of the alley Irvin sees just how injured the man actually is, and is careful not to jostle him around too much as he walks. He supposes it doesn't matter too much though, seeing how Alpha is already passed out, unable to battle his weariness any longer.

_You're safe._


	3. Chapter 3

_I never expected this to get the attention that it has, so thank you for the follows and favourites and reviews! I'll try to update as regularly as I can, so please enjoy_

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It's getting late when Irvin arrives back at his apartment, the clock on the wall reading just after 11. Alpha is still comatose in his arms, and he's careful not to disturb him as he gently lowers the smaller man onto the couch. His coat is shed and thrown carelessly onto the back of a nearby chair, his gun abandoned on the table, as he goes to retrieve a couple of towels. It takes a bit of wrestling to work one towel underneath Alpha; he'd rather spare the couch from some of the grime that paints him. A few more minutes and Irvin has everything he needs.

He drags a chair over to the side of the couch, rolling up his sleeves as he takes a seat. With a washcloth in hand he begins to gently clean the ash and dirt from Alpha's skin. As the muck is slowly washed away the numerous cuts and burns that litter him become apparent, red and angry against pale skin. The cloth is placed back into the basin of water that's on the table before Irvin reaches for the other towel to gently dry Alpha's now clean skin.

With practiced, steady hands he bandages the worst of the other man's wounds, humming quietly to himself as he works. Now that he's clean from most of the soot and blood, Alpha looks far less feral and dangerous than he did in the alleyway. He looks far more _human_. Irvin watches him for a few, quiet moments; watches the way his chest rises and falls with each deep, relaxed breath, watches the way his fingers twitch when he places his bandaged arm back down onto the couch.

It amazes Irvin that despite everything Alpha still looks utterly human, and in his sleep almost vulnerable. With a sigh he stands, picking up the basin and going to change the water. He still has to take care of the wound on Alpha's leg; he just hopes it isn't as bad as it looks. Even though he knows enough to treat more serious wounds he's not a doctor and he'd rather not cause more damage.

The basin is filled again; cloth rinsed out and placed into the lukewarm water before he places it back onto the table. Along with the basin is a small bowl, filled with a sterilising solution in which sits various tweezers, scissors and a needle.

He has to shift Alpha onto his side to just be able to reach the wound on his leg, his trousers thick with dried blood. Gingerly, he picks up a pair of scissors from the bowl to cut the fabric away from the wound and slowly peel it off of his skin. Once the blood has been wiped away Irvin is relieved to see only a small, neat hole in Alpha's calf, but with no exit wound he has no choice to accept that the bullet is still lodged firmly in the flesh.

The scissors are swapped in favour of a pair of small tweezers, Irvin's free hand pressing firmly into the other's leg in an attempt to feel where the bullet is. His hand isn't as steady as earlier as he presses the tweezers into the wound, making sure to take his time. For the first time since he started Alpha stirs when he hits against the bullet; a soft noise escaping from the back of his throat as he tries to pull his leg away. Irvin's grip is sure strong though, and he's quick to pull the bullet out as he holds Alpha's leg steady.

He grabs the cloth again and presses it against the wound to stop the renewed bleeding, placing the tweezers onto the table and out of mind. It doesn't take long for the bleeding to stop, and after another clean Irvin is ready to stitch it up and be finished.

His stitches are neat and he works with a calm confidence he faces most of his work with. It's with a tired sigh that he drops the needle into the bowl with as he straightens up and stretches his back. A glance at the clock informs him its 11:45, and he rolls Alpha onto his back again so he can sleep in peace. With another sigh he stands, piling everything into the basin and dumping the basin onto the kitchen counter to deal with in the morning.

Irvin casts another glance at the sleeping man as pulls the seat over to the desk and slumps down, pulling his mobile free from his trouser pocket. A quick scroll through his contacts and he finds the person he's looking for. There's hesitation as he presses dial.

"Irvin?" a weary voice answers.

"Mike, listen." Irvin pauses for a moment, rubbing at his eyes. "I need your help. You're still at the compound, right?"

"…You've got Alpha, haven't you?"

Irvin's voice is tense as he replies, phone tight in his hand. "Yes. I need to speak with Pixis."

"Irvi-"

"Please." He doesn't want to beg, but he doesn't have much time before they're finished at the compound.

There's movement on the other end of the line; muffled voices talking in quick, hushed tones.

"Smith, you know what the orders were."

"I know sir, but…" Irvin trails off, brows furrowing together as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Alpha isn't a dangerous as he's made out to be, just give me a chance to help him. I'll take full responsibility and if comes to it I'll…I'll end it myself." It's stupid, making a commitment like that when he's not even sure if he'll be able to go through with it. He doesn't revel in the thought that he may have to act on it.

Pixis is silent for a couple of long, painstaking moments before he gives a reluctant sigh. "Be it on your head," is all he offers before the line goes dead.

It's with relief that Irvin throws his phone down onto the table, cradling his head in his hands as Pixis' words sink in. He can't believe it. A sharp click from behind him causes him to stiffen.

"Don't move." Alpha? Irvin hadn't even heard him move from the couch, didn't even know he was awake. It only takes a second for him to realise that his gun, that he left unguarded on the table, is now in Alpha hands. Aimed directly at him.

Fuck.

"They know that I'm here," it's more of a statement than a question, Alpha's voice not betraying any emotion as he speaks. "You say you want to help but you're just like them. What are you getting out of this? Or is it the last final piece of research data; see how long it takes for me to break?" His voice shakes, something akin to anger and hatred seeping into his words.

"I just want to help." Irvin slowly sits up, keeping his eyes forward as he pulls open a drawer and takes out a file from inside it. "Here," he offers, holding the file back for Alpha to take. "This was the proposal I put forward when it was announced the project was being shut down. You might not believe what I say, but I wanted you, and the others, to make it out of there alive."

He waits as the file is pulled from his hand, surprisingly calm at the situation, but Alpha could've killed him already and fled. Perhaps Alpha wants to trust him; perhaps he just needs a reason to.

"Why…why would you want to help those of us who no longer have any humanity?"

The answer comes quick and simple. "Because you're still people."

Irvin relaxes when there's a click and the gun is placed safely onto the table, file following suit. He can hear Alpha this time as he retreats back to the couch before silence falls upon the room once more. It's a minute before Irvin turns in his chair to face the other man, stifling a yawn as he runs his fingers through his hair. Alpha's busying himself with the stitches on his leg, fingers running over the skin and inspecting the handiwork. He doesn't look particularly impressed or unimpressed, his face stoic in the way that Irvin was used to seeing in the compound.

"Hey, Alpha-"

"Don't call me that," he cuts in, raising his eyes to meet Irvin's. "It's Rivaille, but Levi is fine."

It's odd, in all the years that Irvin worked at the compound he never once wondered about their names. It was always just 'Subject Alpha' or 'Subject Delta', or even just the names their experiments were based on. Newt. Or Lionfish. But never proper names, and suddenly guilt seizes his heart; because despite him believing they were still people, he never once considered that they had their own dreams or ambitions, or their own pasts and reasons for living.

He manages a slight smile, not knowing if it reaches past the walls that Alpha, no, Levi has built so meticulously around himself. "It's nice to meet you, Levi."

Levi nods. "Do you have a shower?" he asks, motioning to the blood and dirt that still clings to him in areas.

"Yeah," Irvin replies as he stands, motioning for Levi to follow him as he turns and heads into the hallway. He pauses at the bathroom door, glancing back the smaller man. "Wait here, I'll get you a towel and clean clothes."

There's no doubt that his clothes will be far too big for Levi, but they're all he has at the moment. With a towel in one hand and the clothes in the other he makes his way back to where Levi is waiting, passing them over with a mumbled "My room's just down the hall if you need me."

Levi shuts the door wordlessly behind himself, and Irvin gives a weary sigh as he goes to get a spare pillow and duvet to leave on the couch. It doesn't take long, and as Irvin goes to his own room he feels the weight of the day catching up to him. He leaves his door open just a crack, stripping down to his boxers before he drags himself underneath his covers.

Sleep comes easy to him almost as soon as his head hits the pillow, the sound of the shower running filling his normally silent apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

_Gosh I finally got this finished after over a month I'm sorry it's taken so long school drained me more than I thought it would ;w; Aside from this I've started work on a few other AUs, so look out for them! Enjoy _

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Irvin is awake earlier than usual; feeling drained despite sleeping soundly through the night. He supposes it's because some part of him is wary of Levi, of what he can do, and Irvin doesn't know if that part of him will ever be able to fully believe that Levi is human. With a sigh he rolls over onto his side, gaze falling on the open door. It's another minute or two before he sighs again and pushes the covers off, the air cold against his bare skin as he drags himself out of bed. Coffee wouldn't go amiss, right about now.

The floorboards are cold under his feet and Irvin can't help the shiver that runs through him as he heads down the hall. He stops just before the kitchen, blinking in surprise as he spies Levi; the smaller man wiping down the kitchen counter with a fierce, focused movements. The smaller man pauses, straightening up and glancing back at Irvin.

"Good morning," the blonde greets, to which Levi nods in response.

"I didn't know where those went."

Irvin follows over to where he points, a slight smile tugging at his mouth when he notices the neat row of washed utensils beside the equally clean bowl that he'd used that last night.

"Did you sleep well?" He tries to make conversation as he sets about making himself coffee, deciding that it's more important than putting things away for now. Levi only nods again though, and Irvin only manages to get a 'please' out of him when he offers him a coffee. "How do you like it?"

Levi is silent for a moment before he shrugs, moving from the counter to take a seat at the table, chair legs screeching loudly against the floor as he drags it out. "However."

Calling Levi a man of few words would be overstating it.

He won't be put off though. "How's your leg?" The smell of coffee is intoxicating so early in the morning, and he can't help but deeply inhale the scent as he goes about dropping the granules into the mugs.

"It's fine. I've had worse." Levi watches him as he makes their coffee; he can feel the watchful gaze boring into the back of his neck. "..Thanks for fixing me up."

"You're welcome." Irvin's voice is soft as he places Levi's mug of coffee in front of him before he takes his own seat, offering a smile. Levi's eyes fall to his coffee as he cradles the mug between his hands, letting the heat seep into his skin. Carefully, he raises the mug to his lips, blowing to cool it down a little before taking a sip. Irvin has to suppress a laugh at the way his nose wrinkles up in distaste, eyebrows furrowing sharply together. "Don't like it?"

"No, I…" he trails off and takes another sip, not looking quite so disgusted this time. "I've never really had it."

Of course; no doubt he'd lived on the same thing for 12 years. The thought raises questions, but Irvin pushes down his burning curiosity as he takes a sip of his own coffee, feeling the warmth in his throat before it settles in his stomach. "You don't have to drink it if you don't like it."

Levi shakes his head, silence falling between them as he keeps his eyes fixed downwards. "It's not that bad."

If Levi wants to force himself to drink it then Irvin won't stop him. Comfortable silence settles between them, Irvin stifling a yawn as downs his coffee.

"Once I'm dressed we'll go shopping, get you some clothes." He smiles; his own clothes practically drown Levi like he thought they would, shirt dropping off one shoulder and trousers barely clinging to his hips.

This draws Levi's attention from his coffee, the smaller man glancing up to meet Irvin's gaze. "Alright."

With another smile Irvin stands, tucking his chair under and sitting his empty mug onto the counter top.

It doesn't take him long to get showered and dressed; his hair still dripping as he returns to the kitchen. With unhurried movements he goes to tidy away the stuff from the night before, pausing after he closes over the cupboard when he can't spot the mugs on the counter.

"Levi?" he calls, looking over to where he's sprawled out on the couch. "Did you put the mugs away?"

"Yeah," comes the reply as Levi sits up, swinging his legs off onto the floor with a quiet 'thud'. Pulling both the trousers and shirt up he makes his way over and reaches up to pull open a cupboard. "They go in this one right?"

Irvin nods. "I would've gotten them, but thanks." He pats Levi's shoulder on the way past as he goes to get his shoes, barely noticing the way Levi flinches and pulls away at the contact. "Are you ready to go?"

It's with narrowed eyes that Levi nods, fingers brushing briefly over his shoulder before he drops his arm. The excess trouser that's pooled around his ankles are tucked grudgingly into his shoes, shirt slipping down again as he does so. Irvin has to restrain a smile at the irritated surprise on Levi's face as he straightens up to find Irvin standing uncomfortably close to him.

"Here," Irvin's voice is soft as he offers a jacket to him, which Levi hesitantly takes with a step back to put space between them. With a questioning stare he slips the jacket on, Irvin answering with "it's meant to be cold today."

The streets are fairly empty, and Irvin walks at a leisurely, relaxed pace, Levi beside him. Despite the lack of crowds Levi looks anything but at ease, his eyes never resting in one place for too long and looking like he could bolt at any minute.

"Are you okay?" Irvin questions, although it's obvious that he isn't.

Just as he's about to answer a car speeds by, the noise startling him and causing him to freeze, eyes wide.

"It's alright." Levi still looks like a deer caught in the headlights despite Irvin's attempts to reassure him. He'd known that it'd take a while for Levi to readjust, but he hadn't expected it to be this bad. Maybe leaving shopping until Levi is more adjusted would be a better idea. "Levi-"

"I'm fine," his voice is firm, and he's wearing his usual indifferent emotion. "Let's just get going."

Irvin gives a reluctant nod, making sure to keep a watchful eye on Levi. Even though he's making a conscious effort to keep his eyes forward and not jump at sudden noises the slight downturn of his mouth gives away his uneasiness. Deciding that the sooner they're finished with this the better, Irvin picks up his pace.

Luckily the stores aren't too far, and Irvin ushers Levi through the automatic doors with a hand that hovers over his shoulders.

"Over here." He guides him over to the men's section, making sure to keep a watchful eye on him. "Do you know what size you are?"

"No idea," comes the reply, and Irvin has to make do with judging the sizes by eye as he rifles through the racks and pulls out shirts.

Arm crossed over his chest, Levi seems content to let Irvin look by himself, his expression its usual aloofness. Occasionally Irvin spares glances over at him, lips pursing as he sizes the shirts he's picked. When half a dozen or so are slung over his arm he holds them out to Levi.

"Try these on," Irvin says, passing the bundle over to the smaller man and walking with him to the fitting rooms. "I'll wait out here."

With a nod Levi goes into one of the stalls and Irvin sinks down into one of the chairs along the wall to wait for him. He supposes that they should start job searching soon, when Levi is a little more adjusted and his wounds have healed. It probably won't be as easy as Irvin anticipates, but he knows that sooner is better than later.

"-hey, are you listening?"

Irvin blinks, looking up to find Levi standing in front of him, the shirts folded over his arm.

"I said they fit fine," Levi informs, something akin to amusement sparking in his eyes for a moment.

Irvin's knees pop as he stands and he releases a quiet chuckle, stretching his arms above his head. "If you don't like any you can just leave them there," he gestures to the rack at the side of the chairs, still empty this early in the morning, but Levi just shakes his head, mumbling "they're fine."

"Alright. Onto trousers, then."


End file.
